“Me” time can also be scary time. 

Saturday morning, I woke up and started my morning routine. Decided today will be a self-love type of day. Made banana pancakes and had my coffee. Watched Netflix as laundry was on the washer/dryer. Cleaned my bathroom. Organized my room. Sometimes organizing my space helps me organize my thoughts. All seemed fine and well. Painted my toes, still watching Netflix. Cooked lunch, ate. Decided it would be a good thing to confine myself in the bath tub for a long relaxing me time. And so I preppared a bubble bath and had my favorite incense was burning. Before I jumped in the tub I made a mistake: locked the door behind me. I was having a pleasant time, no electronics in the room and just by candle light… otherwise it would be pitch black in my tiny bathroom. And so, on a mind drift I stared at one of my triggers, without realizing I slipped into a dangerous mind space which as I was unintentionally giving myself exposure to the trigger. And so, my trigger looked back. A dark shadow, dark eyes, dark big grin stared at me from the mirror and I froze. I froze in my tub, naked, and vulnerable. And I just tried to close my eyes and move my arms and felt like all my weight was on my chest. It’s a fucking scary feeling when you feel like you’re sinking in your own fucking tub. And then…. a text message came thru and my ringtone pushed me out of that mindset as I had to get up to check the phone. It was a text from Lotus, somehow Lotus and Waya both bring me back to Light without realizing all of what they do for me. They mean more to me that what words can express. 

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2 thoughts on ““Me” time can also be scary time. 

  1. Your writing is well done. It got me thinking… sometimes when we are busy with life all we want is some me time. To focus on yourself. But it’s a catch 22 as you described. Sometimes being alone and letting your mind drift pulls us into scary places we don’t want to be. The places that busy life and the noise of going about your day can help deter you from heading into those deep thoughts. And once your alone, you want your mind to relax. But you start heading down a rabbit hole, analyzing and thinking about your past, Present, and future. Before you know you are on a downward spiral. Needing help to pull you back. We sometimes underestimate the impact of reaching out to someone in our day. But this helps remind us that when we are going about our day being selfish, our words and actions can help someone that needs a little more support to get through their day. Like you said, it gives us that little bit of light to pull us from darkness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sometimes we don’t realize how little of a stone can impact a whole sea! I think that’s how good actions daily, even if small ones, may affect and alter someone else’s day

      Like

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